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Thursday, August 31, 2006

Misty Ann cleans up her act.

just the other day i discovered something marvelous. it was a rediscovery of sorts, i guess i should say. i was on my way to the tailor to have a new pair of pants altered when i passed by L'Occitane. this is one of my favorite stores of all time, and i love all their products. i remembered that i needed more savon for the kitchen. so i dropped in very quickly, a grabbed for the verbena liquid. i knew it was good. i knew it smelled nice. i was all set to checkout and continue on my way, but i figured i may as well have a look around, i was sure i could find something else i needed. and did i ever!

THESE THINGS. "Lingettes Rafraichissantes" are absolutely amazing. i have long been acquainted with premoistened towelettes and i am so so feeling about them. but i figured, these must be better. they are after all eight dollars for fifteen. and those from the pharmacy are like fifty for five. the more you pay, the better. for the most part. and these are true to form. absolutely. the smell, is fantastic. verbena is so wonderful and fresh smelling. i took great pleasure in, during the middle of my day, at any point, pulling the foil package from my purse, carefully peeling back the label/cover, removing a wipe, and toweling my hands with much care and attention. i then threw the wipe away, and held my hands to my face for what probably was something like two minutes, just enjoying the fragrance. i felt fresh and clean. just as if i had washed my hands.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

the many faces of naomi campbell




whoa, naomi.


now, before i say anything, let me slip into my bullet proof balenciaga blouse and take cover behind a cabana boy.


YOU LOOK SO SCARY.

skinny. really really skinny.

BUT SO SCARY.

it's almost as though they have taken any possible remaining fat in your face, sucked it out, and created the hardest possible mounds of flesh on your chest. those things look like IRON. they look firm and high and everything i wish mine were but alas....

here's the best way to describe this, i suppose. you are battle-axe-attack-mode naomi from the neck up. from the neck down, you are chynna from WWF or whatever. seriously. LOOK. see the similarities?

those crazy crazy hard hard hard boobs! (and, what possibly might be the smallest nipples a woman has ever had. WHERE ARE THEY?)

ok, i need to go clean this sand out of my you-know-what. miguel, the cabana boy just shoved me face-first into the ground because he saw a black girl with a blackberry and feared for my life.

so do i.


but before you hurl small personal electronics at my head (thank god i put on the safety blouse) let me just say this. your dress is hot. so is the curly hair. so is the tie in the hair. i'm big big big into scarves and such tied into hair.

but you do look like a robot.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Misty Ann's Chanel picks of the week!

Coco Chanel quote of the week:
“Nature gives you the face you have at twenty; it is up to you tomerit the face you have at fifty”

Chanel product of the week:
LE CORPS ACTIF, Body Treatment Collection, Self-Sun lotion

this week misty ann continues on her summertime trend. so the chanel pick for the upcoming week, self-tanner.

this is a miracle that's worth every penny. true, i got a sample of this free from a friend, but i still bought some more once i'd used all that up. it's completely brilliant and gives one of the best self-tanner tans out there. this way, when you go on a fabulous vacation in the middle of october, you'll be ready and looking glowingly bronzed.

plus, this stuff has spf 8, which is obviously good for protecting your skin, so you'll look sunkissed, but without the lasting effects (which, i'll tell you - NOT FROM EXPERIENCE, mind you - will leave you looking like a quilted chain bag nancy reagan left at the bottom of her closet when she hurriedly ran out of the house for her husband's inaugural ball.

yeah, that's about right.

hugs.

misty ann matheson.

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Heidi Klum vs. Elle Mac: Misty Ann's expert opinion

in light of a busy weekend, misty ann figured it was a good enough time as ever to weigh in on that whole heidi klum/elle macpherson dramafest. basically, is it really that important?

here's the deal:

ms klum (in addition to being a part of the possibly best show on television, ever - not including knots landing, obv) is featured in a new victoria's secret ad campaign for "the body" bra, on which she is quoted as saying "they named this bra after me" or something equally foolish along those lines. i saw one of the ads in a display window this weekend and after my initial reaction of "why the fuck is she wearing (albeit cute) metallic heels wearing just a bra and panties"i just thought to myself "this ad is stupid." fair enough. seems like a nice enough bra. granted, it's no la perla (which i whole-heartedly recommend for all your lingerie choices from this momentum) but you know, vickie can turn out some good stuff from time to time.

so here comes the drama. elle macpherson and her "people" (does she actually have "people?" seriously, what was the last thing she did outside of QVC? batman and robin? seriously? no. seriously?) were just shocked at the whole thing, since back in 1776 she was called"the body" by time magazine or something. so now she owns the name, and heidi klum could obviously not be called this. it was called a slap in the face or some other ridiculous "god, i hope this will get me back in the public eye" bullshit.

heidi and victoria's secret obviously refused to comment on the whole stupid thing, which was no surprise, and so on she goes grinning like a chesire cat in the ads in shopping malls across america.

so what, was elle just mad that sephora declined to carry her line ofbeauty products called, ever so aptly, "elle macpherson the body?"

let's please all just move the fuck on and go to neimans.

thanks.
misty ann matheson.

Friday, August 25, 2006

A hot boot for the end of summer

now you all know that i am clutching to the last sunny rays of summer like i would a fendi spy bag in a crowded subway (you know what kind of shit rides the metro) but sometimes you gotta plan ahead a bit. and so i am. for a hot boot for fall. it's all about the slouch. so hot. like these from dior.

they've got a high as can be stacked heel and some great hardware detailing on the side. pair these guys with a great simple, knee length dress and you've got a recipe for instant hotness. they've got a stitched quilting detail all over, which is just perfect with something basic. but do not, i repeat, do not, under any circumstances attempt to shove some jeans down inside these mothers. cause that's just not doing any justice to the tremendous gorgeousness of the cannage slouch boot. also, do not pair with some insane jumpsuit like this with a crackalicious equestrian motif. see what i'm talking about?

(image borrowed - hopefully without backlash - from go fug yourself and wherever they get their images)

totally ridiculous. don't do this. or misty ann will hunt your ass down, take off her dior boot from her right foot (i'm left handed, so it makes sense) and beat you to death.

so remember. slouch boots. NOT WITH PANTS of any kind.

hugs.

misty ann matheson.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Misty Ann cries because summer is ending

now that summer is coming to a close (tears, tears, serious weeping) we have to take advantage of every beach/pool opportunity we have. i, for one, spent the weekend roasting myself at the beach (i'm stocking up on tan for the winter) and i plan on doing it again at least seventeen times before the end of the seasons. labor day is still a big beach holiday and one of my favorites (i just love watching the kiddies trundle on back to school). what is not my favorite are these (pictured right).

board shorts. ugh. i mean, if you're surfing, go for it. but it's nota look. please. now let me explain myself. i get it, your mens dontwant to go around wearing a "banana hammock" and i understand that(they are just insecure). but these big huge insane ridiculous baggy things MUST GO. let's keep the fun prints, lets keep the comfortable length (just a bit above the knee - but let's face it, legs are hot. so if we see a bit of it, no one will complain. get over yourselves,guys). let's wear these. vilebrequin (don't worry how to pronounce it, its french and therefore autotmatically hot).

they come in a variety of lengths (i suggest malibu for the cutbecause they are not all elastic at the waist) so your man will be comfortable and the patterns are adorable and timeless and oh-so-chic.

so now, next time i go to la playa, i expect to see all the guys decked out in fabulous new adorable turtle or octopus printed vilebrequin trunks.

hugs.

misty ann matheson.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Misty Ann's Chanel picks of the week!

Coco Chanel quote of the week: "Fashion is not something that exists in dresses only. Fashion is in the sky, in the street, fashion has to do with ideas, the way we live, what is happening."

Chanel product of the week: Chanel No 5 parfum

girls. ladies. it doesn't get any more classic or any more feminine than no 5. there's only one way to smell like a real lady who wants to make a difference in this world. to be taken seriously. to be envied worshipped an followed by flocks of mens. to let them know you are here to stay.

that's chanel no 5. if you don't have a bottle of chanel no 5 -- shame on you! shame, shame, shame. even trendy gals and hip ladies need to look and smell classy and conservative once in a while. and if you've put on the pearls, then you better put on the chanel no 5.

perfect for job interviews, meeting the future in-laws, negotiating deals, attending weddings and funerals. for any occasion when you want your serious side to shine. (and girls- misty ann does not think it's o.k. to go without a touch of fragrance on your skins at any time of the day except during exercise -- deodorant please!, sleep --night cream please!, or shower -- organic gels please!. so if you've been sitting in class or at work sans fragrance -- wrong decision! go get some chanel no 5 and apply just a dab before work or class.

hugs. hope everyone is enjoying their weekends.

misty ann matheson.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Swap links with Misty Ann Matheson

ladies. gentlemen. misty ann matheson is a woman new to the world of blogging. misty ann has loved to read blogs since the day god invented geocities, but this is the first time i've put down my cigarette long enough to share my wealth of knowledge about fashion, beauty and mens with the online world.

misty ann's friends are mostly computer illiterate. they prance and strut around all day looking good and all the other good stuff that's required by the high-life. but at the end of the day, they pop three ativans and pass out. they don't blog like misty ann.

so misty ann matheson is proposing a little link exchange to help with her public relations. there's no use having a drawer full of fresh and fragrant panties if no one wants to sniff them. if you want to do a link for link exchange -- your link on mine and mine on yours --leave me a comment and then go ahead and link to me, and i'll put your link up within 24 hours. promise.

i'm nothing but a sweet little chain-smoking shopaholic who loves fashion and mens, so there's no reason to think i'll steal traffic from you or embarrass you for putting up the link.

hugs.

misty ann matheson.

Friday, August 18, 2006

kate moss is in the news again but misty ann loves her anyway!

misty ann found a little news about the one remaining supermodel (in terms of look, attitude, legend, sass, career potential) still out there. kate moss.

poor kate. if she's not caught snorting lines of coke or having problems with her deadbeat boyfriend (you know you're going to end up with a deadbeat if he has the same last name as shannon dougherty!), then she is pissing someone off somewhere about something. poor kate moss. misty ann still loves you. smooch.

so the only things in the world misty ann knows anything about are clothes, shoes, mens, fashions, mens, makeups, purses, jewelry, modeling, mens, shoes and maybe magazines. misty ann tells you this because the article i found about kate moss has a little religious stuff mixed in for fun. it's about how miss moss has pissed off a bunch of muslims.

the article says, "British supermodel Kate Moss has unknowingly managed to raise the hackles of Muslims living in New York. Moss, who posed topless in different poses for Calvin Klein's new ad campaign, has had one poster in which she’s holding onto a shirtless male model put up across the street from the Madina Masjid Mosque in the Big Apple – an offensive sight for conservative Muslims who pass through the place five times a day for daily prayers. "

read the rest here. have good weekends.

misty ann matheson.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

It's mask time

during my convalescence i figured, why not get into a little pampering? so, it was home facial time. here's my fave fave fave facial masque.

it's aveda's tourmaline charged radiance masque.

its so good. its got shitake mushrooms stuff in it. which makes it sorta smell a bit weird. and of course you look bizarre with it on.

but it works. it really leaves your skin with a fabulous glow, itjust gets all that extra crap out of the way. tourmaline is whereit's at.

just don't leave the house before you rinse it off (use aveda's facial shammy for this)

misty ann matheson.

p.s. cher is amazing and can do no wrong in my eyes, but all the same, wipe your masque off, girl.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Wear your bags on your shoulders, not under your eyes!

hey all. misty ann isn't feeling so hot today. i mean, don't question, i'm damn glad i have those new tom ford eyewear hutton glasses, because my allergies are acting up like some CRAZY and my eyes are all kinds of red and puffy. of course, i'd love it could i just keep my glasses on all the time, but of course, that's just fucking ridiculous.

seriously. i look worse than this poor girl. (is that possible? mirror check. yeah, it's possible.)

TRUST ME GIRLS: You do not want to look like this creature--------->

so. what to do. slam one of these on first thing in the morning right before you hit the snooze.

this one is different. its better. i have had about seventy-five of those cheap plastic cooling eye masks, and you know, they are never comfortable on me (i've got one of those movie star noses.) but this one rolls all around comfy like on my face.

so by the time your alarm shrieks for the final time you'll be all cooled and the puffiness gone.

i mean, you still need to wear your sunglasses though. just because.

misty ann matheson.

Summer shades---HOT---sunglasses!

sure, its august and the summer is two thirds done, but that doesn't mean we all couldn't use a great new pair of glasses. tom ford has several great pair, in addition to being dead sexy all the time.

see? yeah. and sure he's...you know...but hot is hot.

speaking of which.

sunglasses. called hutton. (we can only hope for lauren hutton.)

hey lauren, take my picture wearing these.

get into it. choose the havana color cause brown makes just about everyone look good.

misty ann matheson.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Shoes for your mens

alright. so now you've got your new gucci bag for the fall and some new color for your lips. because seriously, no girl could be seen carrying a hot bag only to pull out some worn out maybelline lipstick. get it together. so now its time for something for the men in our lives. your man needs a stylish fall sneaker.

heres the one.

here's why. it's simple. get it for him in black and no one will know it's coach. it'll just be a comfortable trendy sneaker. also, imagine how good it will look when it's protecting the feet of someone who looks like this (pictured right).

so bam, a two in one. hot man, hot shoe.

misty ann matheson.

Misty Ann's Chanel picks of the week


Coco Chanel quote of the week: "Fashion fades, only style remains."

Chanel product of the week: Ombre Essentielle, Soft-Touch EyeShadow. Misty Ann says, "this instant classic will make you look and feel like a real woman. chanel is pricey, but every gal can afford to keep this eyeshadow in her handbag, and she can never go wrong by keeping it there. keep it simple and classy with this chanel eyeshadow."

misty ann matheson.

Friday, August 11, 2006

Welcome to my panty drawer


hey everybody! it's me, misty ann. welcome to my panty drawer. here i'll be sharing all my little tips for life, including my recommendations for handbags, shoes, movies, mens, and more.

i'll be including links to all of my favorite stuff, including pictures and where to buy and all that. of course, for good measure i'll throw in little words of wisdom and such.

for starters, take a look at my personal favorite for a big fall handbag. the gucci boston bag. view the bag here.

but dont get that version, obviously get the one made of petit gris. and the BIG size. because you know that big bags are best. and thisone is the best. and the biggest. it takes all the might my five foot nine one hundred and ten pound frame can muster to lift the fucker over my shoulder.

hugs.

(oh and please dont think i didnt see you trying to steal that la perla thong on your way out, sneaky bastard)

misty ann matheson.

Coming Tonight....Misty Ann's Panty Drawer

Coming tonight: The Much-Anticipated Debut of "Misty Ann's Panty Drawer!" Bookmark this site and return often for the fashion debut of the CENTURY!!!!!!